Christopher Adams, Editor- London Press
http://www.pphinfo.com/find.jsp
"High Tides For A Remake Promised To Make Waves"
In a press release dated March 23, 2006, Revolut!on executive Dan Johanson stated, "The 'Knight Rider' Movie project has been abandoned because David Hasselhoff was offered more money to explore a remake to "Baywatch." Apparently, Hasselhoff's role of "Lt. Mitch Buchannon" will be brought back to life in an exciting movie version. Hasselhoff has planned to team up with Revolut!on and the original Baywatch creators Michael A. Berk, Gregory B. Bonann, Douglas C. Schwartz. An anonymous source said, "There will be some minor changes to 'Baywatch'...nothing we can't get around. In all honesty, Revolut!on doesn't want to do the movie on the beach. They want snow and they do not want the lifeguards to talk in this one. The board is not convinced that female lifeguards will talk in the 21st century and scientific studies are showing that people will not be enjoying the beach in futuristic times. Hell, a major earthquake may destroy our California beach anyway."
It has also been reported that Xclavocom, the makers of sand grains found on the beach, were swarmed with letters from fans of the "Baywatch" series. Apparently, the fans wanted the same kind of sand, beautiful water, and beautiful weather as appeared on "Baywatch." The marketing team at Xclavocom did not see this as a realistic request seeing as though producing this special type of sand, water, and weather would violate most environmental health codes in the state of California. Mike Oxlittle, vice-president of the development and research division at Xclavocom, had this to say "These people are out of their minds! We're a sand company! Sand! S-A-N-D! What is wrong with these people?" With that, Xclavocom released a 36,115 page report about the improper use of Xclavocom sand grains and cited 24 counts (of "improper representation" and "manupulation" of their products) against the producers of "Baywatch" and the following distributors:
All Amer!can Television
LBS Commun!cations Inc.
National Broadcast!ng Company (NBC) (1989-1990)
Pearson All-Amer!can Television (1999) (worldwide) (TV)
Pearson Television Internat!onal
The Fremantle Corporat!on (worldwide)
The producers of "Baywatch" and its distributors were ordered remove the Xclavocom logos from each grain of sand and cease referring to the sand as "Sand." Apparently, "sand" is a copyrighted product which was coined and is produced solely by Xclavocom.
To avoid the threat of a lawsuit, Revolut!on Public Relations Manager Robin D. Cradle said, "To heck with that! They can shove it! To heck with their beach all together." The board at Revolut!on is planning for the project to begin in the warmer months of July in Antarctica. Revolut!on is pushing for a 2008 release with David Hasselhoff starring in a lead role.
We recently attempted to ask the board members at Revolut!on about their thoughts on David Hasselhoff working on the project. Although most board members refused to accept our phone calls, there was one supervisor that was more than happy to talk to us. Mike Huntswide, talent supervisor for Revolut!on, said "We're excited about having Hasselhoff on board. Most of all, he and the original creative team agreed to drop the lawsuit if we made this movie. Thats the most important thing. I can't believe we're paying this 'has-been' the money we're paying him, but we hope our check doesn't bounce before this debockel is over. Besides, who wants to see a talking car when you can see the remake of 'Baywatch' on the silver screen?!"
When asked if Pamela Anderson will return as "Casey Jean 'C.J.' Parker," Huntswide replied, "At this point, I cannot confirm nor deny her involvement in this project. During a test shooting in the arctic, she developed a bad case of frost-bitten nipples. But we expect that she will make a full recovery." Pamela Anderson could not be reached for comment.
It has not been disclosed when or if the "Knight Rider" project will be picked up at a later date. Robin D. Cradle had this to say about the Knight Rider project, "We're pretty dog-gone optomistic about the 'Knight Rider' project in our own way. We're pretty positive that we do not want to make the 'Knight Rider' movie. We are extremely optomistic that Hasselhoff will take the money, enjoy his 15 minutes of fame on the 'Baywatch' project, and forget about the 'Knight Rider' project all together. We want to do just enough to do our part so that they drop this lawsuit under the agreed terms. We promised him a movie and BY GOLLY, he's gonna get a movie. I will say this much about any possibilities with 'Knight Rider.' There may be future talks about using the likeness of Michael Knight and K.I.T.T. in a commercial for a certain bottled water company!" David Hasselhoff could not be reached for comment.
For all you "Baywatch" fans, be ready for a comeback that is promised to turn heads and raise excitement. David Hasselhoff and "Baywatch 2008" are coming to a theater near you!
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