The Twisted Way

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KITTANDBILLYLUVER
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The Twisted Way

Post by KITTANDBILLYLUVER » Thu Feb 12, 2009 5:19 pm

This is a story I wrote that started as roleplaying with Ghidorah15. I dedicate this to him. :D
The Twisted Way

KI2T was watching a girl do cartwheels, or at least try. “Your legs need to be straighter,” he said. “This is harder than it looks,” the girl, Amy replied. “Maybe I should try something else.”

As she looked through a small pile of gym stuff, she pulled out a tennis racket and a tennis ball. She tried to hit the ball up in the air as many times as possible, but she only made it to about 5 every time.

“Are you planning on cleaning up that mess?” KI2T asked Amy. The balled dropped to the ground. “Yeah, in a minute.” She went back to hitting the ball in the air.

“Amy, come here. I’m getting a transmission.” KITT seemed very serious. Amy dropped the racket and ball instantly and rushed over. “I…coming…warning…KI2T…die…” The message was full of static, but they both understood what it meant. “Someone is coming to destroy you!” Anger flared up inside of her.

Just then, a black Trans Am appeared. Then Amy ducked inside of KI2T, scared of what the unknown car might do. “Human. Leave or be part of the rubble left of your friend,” the car said. “No. I won’t. I am staying here.” Amy declared. “Who are you anyway?”

“I am the Knight Automated Roving Robot. My current mission is to destroy the Knight Industries Two Thousand.” Amy then realized that she knew who this was.

Then she thought, “He is just a lonely being. He has no friends, all because of his programming.” Then she got an idea, but she had to be careful with it. Amy got out of KI2T and just stood out in the open. “If you really want to hurt me, you would do it now. Yet you aren’t,” she said. She went on, “I know why you want to destroy him. I also know how we can fix this. You are jealous of him because he was the better one, the one with the right programming. If I told you that I could give you the correct programming, would you take the offer? I do believe it can be done.”

KARR was silent for a while. It was only a minute, but it felt like forever to Amy. Then he replied, “Yes, I have been jealous of him. I always wanted to destroy him, only because he was better. If it could be done, I would like to have his programming.”

KI2T, in the mean time, had been calling Bonnie to see if it was possible. “Yes, if he will cooperate, it is possible. He will be inactive for 48 hours, but it can be done.” So they all headed toward Knight Industries and left KARR in Bonnie’s care.

Two days later, Amy and KI2T returned and found a new KARR. He wanted to thank Amy for the wonderful idea. “Amy, thank you for showing me the way to be a better AI, to be a better friend. I am forever grateful.” “You are welcome. I am glad that I could help,” she replied.

So KARR stays with KI2T and Amy. They have many more adventures, to this very day.

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Knight007
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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by Knight007 » Wed Feb 18, 2009 5:26 am

no way. just no way. this point of view just killed KARR and every thing he satnds for. KITT and KARR will never be freinds. it like the Matter and the Anti-matter. they just cant mix.
if you are looking for a story line for maxican show or a japanies anime, then yes, this could work Image :kitt:

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by kwsta20 » Wed Feb 18, 2009 6:34 am

ok, care bear....... lol now why would karr even agree to be diactivated for 48 to be fixed?? just maybe this would work for the movie old school... bring this up to hollywood if they make another old school movie!! it would be a great ironic comic scene from the 80's

:karr: :kitt:


<3 <3 <3 happy together!!!!!

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by J_Spaced » Wed Feb 18, 2009 8:41 am

I have to agree with the previous posts.

What you've set out here is:

"KARR just wants to be loved." He doesn't. He can't stand people because they're so squishy and fallible. He's also never shown any signs of wanting to be loved, just appreciated for the superior model he is.

"He'd happily accept what amounts to be brain surgery in order to be loved." What? Who wants a labotamy in order to become more like "other people"?

I did write a bit on "what KARR would more likely have done with Amy's risky gamble", but it was very grisly and I didn't want to upset anyone.

If, though, you could come up with a longer, more involved reason that KARR would amend his OWN programming, I'd be really impressed. It could involve Amy and a proper demonstration of why we allow inferior people into our lives, learn co-dependance etc.

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by KITTANDBILLYLUVER » Wed Feb 18, 2009 10:33 am

Fine whatever. I'm not a professional. I'm just a kid. This isn't the best. Leave me alone.

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by lunchmeat » Wed Feb 18, 2009 7:50 pm

For what it's worth, I like the concept. I do have some suggestions, however. I'm not going to bash you - this is entirely constructive criticism. You can take it as you see fit.

The main thing - it seems as though you contradicted KARR's established character by having him easily and freely admit his jealousy, and allow himself to be reprogrammed. You have to ask yourself whether the dialogue fits the character in a realistic way, and whether the actions fit something that the character would do. Imagine if someone wrote a story in which KITT decided to kill someone. It could be an interesting idea, but it would contradict the established rules and character of KITT. In this case, KARR is built for self-preservation, and it's established that he thinks that KITT is an inferior copy. Perhaps you could build your story elements while working around those ground rules. I think you have an interesting concept with KARR wanting companionship; you might consider different, or more subtle, ways of merging that concept with the established character of KARR.

The second thing - it might help to think of your story in terms of a TV show. Description goes a long way in establishing a scene....but simple ideas can go very far in promoting a sense of action. Instead of a black Trans-Am suddenly appearing, how cool would it be if a wall suddenly exploded in a spray of debris and smoke, revealing the metallic glint of the black Trans-Am that just crashed through it?

Don't be discouraged - you may not be a professional, but if you keep writing, you might be.
If I am destroyed... ...so shall you be. -KARR

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KITTANDBILLYLUVER
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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by KITTANDBILLYLUVER » Wed Feb 18, 2009 8:43 pm

Thanks. Your's is the best so far. Nobody ever thought to tell me how I could fix it. Thanks. I am gonna edit it. At least now I have some stuff to go by now.

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by Knight007 » Thu Feb 19, 2009 6:00 am

KITTANDBILLYLUVER wrote:Thanks. Your's is the best so far. Nobody ever thought to tell me how I could fix it. Thanks. I am gonna edit it. At least now I have some stuff to go by now.

I think I should start with an apology. I didnt mean to attack you, but we are talking things over here.
any way, the effort is good and appreciated. but I think you have it from a point of view of a man (or woman) that wants to have peace and no more fights or arguments.

Remember the purpose of building KARR. its the original model of the future car. doesnt work
now the purpose of of bilding KITT. to creat the future car while avoiding the mistakes done with KARR.

As a human, things can be solved with talking, with computers this is not the case.
you can got back to TOS and visit the episod where KITT's programing has been replaced with another, and it started hunting Michel and following the commands of some one else. (I dont remember the title of that episod- I think it was in season 4)
my point is, you need to approch this in a different point of view. for example, think of a fight that happens between KITT and KARR which results of KARR being damaged and cant move. then taken by mechanics and then change his programming against his well. it may sound too simple, but it will show the tru nature for both KITT and KARR and it will show how different they really are.

hope I made some sence here. let know about the updates. good luck Image :kitt:

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by KITTANDBILLYLUVER » Thu Feb 19, 2009 9:42 am

Thanks. It is fine, if I had been in the same situation, it'd be the same way. :) I never thought of that. I like having me as a character, so it is a young girl. :) I like me. lol. But yeah, that is waaay better. I just couldn't think of anything and just wanted to get this one out of the way. The better ones are coming, because the good stuff is already decided. This is going to take a bit longer than I expected, being that I have to rework the story, but big deal. I was being lazy in the first place. Let's hope this next one is better.

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by J_Spaced » Fri Feb 20, 2009 2:13 pm

I'm already finding Lunchmeat to be a brilliantly concillatory and diplomatic poster. Skills I sadly lack.

KITTANDBILLYLUVVER: Don't stop writing and posting. EVER. Keep working at it. Listen to what people respond to in your work and try to be objective. Stand outside the work you've created and see what works and what doesn't.

Please, please, don't become one of those internet posters who only ever wants to hear how amazing they are 100% of the time. Feedback is feedback. It can be harsh. Especially when it's written without finesse, like mine.

Think about an acting job. Four hundred people turn up for an audition and 399 get told "You can't hold the shampoo bottle for our commerical." You can give up, or you can keep going, keep trying and above all say: "what's wrong?" "What could be better?"

Ignore rude people, bullies and thugs though.

I look forward to reading more stuff and I'll try to be more positive in my feedback.

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by KITTANDBILLYLUVER » Fri Feb 20, 2009 2:19 pm

The thing is, they didn't tell me how to "FIX IT!!!" like the saturday night live guy says. :) The point: I can stand the bad, if they tell me what I'm doing wrong and maybe a bit of advice. I don't like "This is impossible. It sucks" kinda thing.

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by Knight007 » Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:53 am

I sure would like to have a look on future work. as I said before, I may have been hard on my first comment, but I thought about it and gave my vision of the story. hope it helped.
oh and J-spaced, do you really think we do have "rude people, bullies and thugs" on the board??? Image :kitt:

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by KITTANDBILLYLUVER » Tue Feb 24, 2009 8:13 am

We have rude people and bullies everywhere. Maybe thugs means the creeps that lerk, waiting for young people so they can find them. *shivers at the thought* Never wanna meet one of them again.

It was fine Knight007. It seems to be hard to find time though. I am always doing something else, and I forget about it. It will get done, eventually.

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by Knight007 » Tue Feb 24, 2009 9:28 am

KITTANDBILLYLUVER wrote:We have rude people and bullies everywhere. Maybe thugs means the creeps that lerk, waiting for young people so they can find them. *shivers at the thought* Never wanna meet one of them again.

It was fine Knight007. It seems to be hard to find time though. I am always doing something else, and I forget about it. It will get done, eventually.

Thats cool my freind. all the best and best of luck. we will be waiting Image :kitt:

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by J_Spaced » Tue Mar 10, 2009 8:32 pm

[quote=Knight007]
oh and J-spaced, do you really think we do have "rude people, bullies and thugs" on the board??? [/quote]

I haven't found any yet. I was speaking in general terms.

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by KITTANDBILLYLUVER » Tue Mar 10, 2009 8:33 pm

oops. what does bumped mean? i thought it would take it off the board...hehe

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by KITTANDBILLYLUVER » Tue Mar 24, 2009 11:49 am

I have finished the NEW version. I think I used suggestions from everybody, or at least most. I will type it up and post it when I have more time.

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by J_Spaced » Tue Mar 24, 2009 12:28 pm

I'm looking forward to this. Would you like me to proof read it before you put it up for spelling and grammar or would you like to go it alone? Both options are good and have their own benefits.

J

:D

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by KITTANDBILLYLUVER » Tue Mar 24, 2009 1:01 pm

I have checked it. But thanks anyway. I have time now. Yay!!! Just a second, let me get my binder.

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by KITTANDBILLYLUVER » Tue Mar 24, 2009 1:24 pm

I dedicate this to Ghidorah15, because this wouldn't have existed if we hadn't decided to roleplay in the chatroom. Hope you guys like it!!!

The Twisted Way

"I'm almost there! I'm almost...gaaahhh!" Amy screamed. "You can never beat the supercar." She glared at KI2T's voice modulator. "It isn't my fault that I'm better," he said. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"I wish there was something better to do. Got any ideas, oh smart one?" Amy smarted. She got out of KI2T and walked around the room. She looked in the closet.

"You shouldn't be in there, nosy." Bonnie said as she walked in. "There's nothing in there that would interest you anyway."

Just then a black blur crashed through the wall and bricks went flying everywhere. Bonnie pushed Amy out the door. "He's back!" She said and shut the door.

Amy wondered, 'Who is back?! And why did she shut me in here?' She jumped to the floor and looked under the door. She saw the cars' tires go out the whole in the wall. Amy got up and tried the doornob. Sadly, Bonnie had locked it. "Darn!" Amy shouted.

Amy then ran to the other door on the other side of the building. By the time she got outside, the cars were long gone.

She saw Bonnie scramble to her own car. Amy ran after her and got in too. "I'm going with you," Amy said stubbornly. Bonnie let her stay and they drove after the supercars.

They caught up with them and saw they were close to the old steep hill. "Oh geez," Amy said to herself. "This seems a lot similar to the first time."

"Looks like it. Let's hope KARR will react still." Bonnie said.

Amy remembers watching KI2T's footage of the first incident. They were heading straight for each other, but since KARR was made for self-preservation, he turn and drove off the cliff. He came back after that and his body was destroyed. 'Apparently they didn't destroy all of him,' she thought.

She focused again on the cars in front of her. They both started to towards each other, quickly. They were so close to crashing, when KARR turned. He went down the long, steep hill.

Bonnie got out of the car to see what was left of him. Michael and Amy joined her soon after.

"KI2T, call for the semi. I have a feeling he's still working, just can't move. I have an idea," Bonnie said.

So KI2T pushed KARR into the semi, and KARR was taken to FLAG.

When Bonnie called for everyone to come a few days later, nobody knew what was going on.

Bonnie demostrated that KARR's programming was now the preservation of human life by asking Michael to drive straight forward. He was reluctant to do it, but he finally got in. He drove towards her and kept going. Then KARR took over and turned himself so she wouldn't be harmed.

Everyone was in a good mood that night, because there was a party, celebrating the newly changed KARR.




What do you guys think? Better than last time?

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by J_Spaced » Wed Mar 25, 2009 4:04 am

It's certainly better, but it feels like a synopsis for something bigger, rather than a fanfic. Sometimes you have the characters talk and sometimes you tell us what happens in rapid gasps of text.
As an idea FOR a story it has real merit.
As a story it lacks substance.

If I were you, at this stage, I would take the story and work it. Think about questions about your story that a reader might ask, then try to answer them in the story. For example: why does KARR crash through the wall? What is he after? Get the other characters to ask those questions. Remember that you know these answers and the ones you don't know you can make up.

On the other hand though don't bombard us with information, try adding a little suspense ask the questions then delay answering them for a while.

In short: I like it and think it can go further.

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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by knightendo77 » Wed Mar 25, 2009 8:21 am

The best fanfics are much longer, but many start off as a smaller tale which includes the beginning, middle and end and once these pieces are in place the writer can then concentrate on filling the story out so it covers many scenes instead of just the one or two. You've managed to get your basic building blocks in place and I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this.

Brilliant start, my friend :) I especially like the part with Amy looking underneath the door and all she can see are the tyres of the cars - gave great mental images. Personally, and this is just my own opinion lol, I'd love this part to be extended so that KITT and KARR are having a heated exchange of words but all we can see are the tyres from Amy's viewpoint!

I think we've an excellent fanfic writer in the making here, don't give up! :D
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Re: The Twisted Way

Post by KITTANDBILLYLUVER » Wed Mar 25, 2009 11:00 am

Ok. Yeah, it did seem a tad short compared to others'. I will work on it and post it up. Thanks guys! This wouldn't be possible without you. :)

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