USA TODAY: Rate the first episode of Knight Rider

[knightofthephoenix]

NBC's 'Knight Rider' is not up to speed
By Robert Bianco, USA TODAY

If we must pitch dreck at children, can't we at least make it age-appropriate dreck?

There is much to despise in Knight Rider, a shockingly incompetent, barely coherent, ad-driven rip-off about a shape-shifting autobot that owes more to Transformers than it does to the cheesy '80s original that shares its name.

But if we must settle on just one low point, choose an out-of-the-blue scene midway through, in which the sexy villain suddenly cuts off a man's thumb. Let's hope when NBC and its partners at Ford get around to selling little toy KITTs, they come complete with a tiny finger in the glove compartment.

I know, your kids probably have seen worse. That, however, is more an indictment of the increasing coarseness of our culture than a defense of Rider.

Chances are those kids will never make it as far as the digit-dumping. They'll be chased away by a near-incomprehensible opening that turns car-boy Mike (Justin Bruening) into James Bond, with Val Kilmer's monotone talking car as Q. From there, it's off to super-secret headquarters, where Mike and Sarah (Deanna Russo) have a team waiting to save them from a firebomb crisis. Unfortunately, it requires the actors to pretend to be hot, a masquerade that apparently exceeds their range.
FIND MORE STORIES IN: Ford | Mike | James Bond | Sarah | Transformers | Val Kilmer | Knight Rider | Bruce Davison | Kitts

But then seldom has a major network launched a show boasting as many terrible performances or jaw-dropper moments as this premiere.

There's Sydney Tamiia Poitier as an FBI agent who refuses to issue a security override — until Bruce Davison's scientist says "please." Or there's Smith Cho as a tech genius who can speak nine languages and manages to be annoying in all of them. And while no one expects reality to intrude much on this Rider, even a 10-year-old may wonder why Mike just stands there dumbstruck when the villain approaches.

Maybe that's answer for the next Rider revamp. Instead of just aiming the show at children, maybe NBC should let them write and perform it.

They could hardly do worse.

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[DeeKnight]

^^ What a load of crap.

[zero]

Unfortunately quite accurate. All we can do is hope it gets better. There will be more room for story in the second episode.

[Fantine]

Let's hope when NBC and its partners at Ford get around to selling little toy KITTs, they come complete with a tiny finger in the glove compartment.

lol! Ok, that was a mean review, but the mental imagery conjured by that statement is just priceless!

I think I'd buy one.

[KnightBird]

Mr. Bianco is an idiot. why does usatoday have him on their writing staff.. he has no idea about today's society. they guy should be fired. he doesnt know what hes talking about. he just points out stuff and not really pay attention the story itself. what a moron...

[PHOENIXZERO]

Critics are nothing more than glorified blogging idiots now days, the only difference is that they get paid for their stupidity.

[BlueChaos]

Pity Roger Ebert (my favourite critic) only write reviews for big-screen movies. Wonder what he would have to say about this new Knight Rider...

[Drake]

I really wonder if half of the idiot critics even watched the show. It just seem like the cool thing nowadays is for people to just hate everything no matter what it is.

[cloudkitt]

Of all the things you could cite as not-kid-friendly he picks the thumb? Really? There was barely even blood...